The ARIA Duet

the ARIA Duet | download the Duet Worksheet

Interpersonal ARIA – Duet

Once you have done Personal ARIA, you may have decided to engage the other party and try to resolve your conflict (in fact, that may have been one of your inventions). You have several options for using ARIA to help direct your conflict engagement, depending on your own and the other party’s comfort level with the process and with one another.

If you have determined that the conflict is at the Resource or Objective level for both you and the other party, you may want to pursue one of the options below. For an Identity level conflict, we would suggest you  start with Option 4 (e.g. ask for outside support), especially if you are still mastering Personal ARIA or do not feel ready to directly deal with the other party. While your comfort and skill level with ARIA grows, it is best to begin with Options 1-3.

Option 1 – Simply work through the ARIA process with the other party, without detailed explanation of its methodology. This works best if your conflict is primarily Objective-based (or that you have previously worked through your own antagonism during a personal aria). Express and model your own resonance about the conflict and then invite the other party to also express their core concerns. Ask, “Why does this matter so much to you? Why do you care about it?” Also, be willing to let them vent without reacting in-kind. Once you fully explore why the issue is important to each of you, separately and interactively, Invention may evolve naturally, presenting ways to meet each of your objectives and resolve the conflict.

Option 2 - Invite the other party to work through the conflict, explaining the ARIA process as a resolution guide. If your comfort level with ARIA is sufficient and the other party would be open to using a resolution process, explain the process and its rationale, and ask if the other party would be willing and interested in working through the conflict (again, a full and interactive surfacing of the Antagonism stage should in most cases be avoided if no third party is present).

Option 3 – Both parties know ARIA and can work through the conflict together. In a comfortable and confidential environment, ask the other party if they would be willing to engage in the ARIA process with you to work out a conflict you are having. However, instead of venting directly at one another, which is not usually a good idea unless there is a mutually trusted third party present, simply list the grievances each has against the other in as non-inflammatory but direct ways as possible. Given that each side knows ARIA, take regular process breaks and keep reminding one another of where you are and want to be in the process.

Option 4 – Ask a third party to help facilitate the ARIA process for you and the other party. Particularly for very deep Identity-based conflicts, this may be the safest, surest method for addressing the conflict. If tensions are so high and frustrations so deep that it may be impossible for both parties to follow the ARIA process alone, even if they both know the methodology, a trained third party may be extremely valuable in helping to facilitate the process. Calling in help should not be seen as a failure, but rather as a demonstration of your management ability and your mastery of ARIA.

Click Here to see options for a facilitated ARIA.