The ARIA Solo

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Using ARIA personally as a solo process allows one to calmly view one’s own conflict “performance” from a distance, and then step back into one’s own conflict – to analyze and reflect upon its origin, meaning, and steps for resolution.

ROI – First, diagnose the conflict for yourself and the other party to determine the level(s) of conflict present in the situation.

Antagonism – Find a quiet and private space, where you can take a few moments to vent. There you can engage in an expression of Antagonism alone, allowing yourself to express your frustrations and “let it all out.” To begin, point your index finger outward as if you are blaming the other. As you point the blaming finger, mentally or out loud verbalize all the frustrations and anger involved in the conflict.

Resonance – Now, regaining some composure, notice the second finger pointing back at yourself as you engaged in Antagonism. Use this finger to gently ask yourself, “Why do I care so much about this situation?” Take a few moments to analyze why this issue is so important to you. Be careful not to slip back into the blaming of Antagonism (neither the other side nor yourself!) – concentrate on what the conflict, issue, or relationship means to you personally from the inside – why it matters to you.

Invention – Move to the next finger pointing back at yourself, and ask, “What ideas to I have to improve the situation?” This may be designing a way of engaging the other party to help you constructively address the conflict. It may also be deciding to do something entirely on your own, like changing your own behaviors, learning to deal with the other party differently, or even removing yourself from the conflict situation. Be creative about all the ways you might deal with the conflict.

Action – Viewing the final finger pointing back to yourself, ask “How will I implement my solution?” Select one of your Inventions, and plan your actions specifically. Prepare meeting times and places, ways to monitor your new behaviors, or any other arrangements necessary to implement your solution. What steps will you take, when and in what ways?

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One Response to “The ARIA Solo”

  1. Three steps to stop avoiding and start engaging with conflict | Creating space for change Says:

    […] around a long-standing disagreement on a project. Before going into the meeting, I completed an “ARIA solo” exercise, reflecting on a first set of questions with the help of an […]